


The perils of living with humans

by UmiAzuma



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 05:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20384074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiAzuma/pseuds/UmiAzuma
Summary: Zekhan has the funniest stories to tell his friends because of the people he lives with.Or alternativelyA side story of that coffee shop AU I don't know if I'll ever write





	The perils of living with humans

When Zekhan was born, his Ma'da died giving birth to him.

A few years later (ten years, specifically), his Fa'da died in a zeppelin crash. They found his body, of course, but they didn't let Zekhan see him one last time. He had to stand alone during the funeral, all gangly limbs in traditional mourning robes. After the funeral, a troll approached him and says he'll be taking care of him from now on. He goes with him because he has no one else anymore, he's alone.

Zekhan remembers Vol'jin from when he was very young, he was a friend of his father, they had grown together and were like brothers. One day, when he is fourteen and coming home from school, there is a human there and Vol'jin says the human is his _ very special _ friend Tyrathan. Zekhan is sure they're more than that, he's a teenager, not an idiot, but he shrugs and goes along with it, because he has no one else, because he is alone in the world.

When Zekhan is sixteen years old, Vol'jin and Tyrathan have their mating ritual, which is pretty much like a wedding. That's where Zekhan meets Tyrathan's ex wife, his children and his ex wife's new husband, some greasy human that looked at Zekhan like he was some sort of phenomenon. At least Tyrathan's children are polite to him, or rather the girl is, the other two are very small and the oldest boy glares at Zekhan, at Vol'jin and at everyone else there.

Zekhan has been living with Vol'jin and Tyrathan for seven years up to this point in his life. He doesn't have a particular opinion about the human (he had not met many humans before living away from the Echo Isles so he doesn't really know that much about humans), but Tyrathan has never been mean to him, he even tried to make him some pancakes for his birthday. Zekhan guesses he must be a good person.

_ Today _ however, Zekhan wonders how this human has made it so far in life.

Zekhan is now seventeen years old ( _ almost _ eighteen, he'll say to anyone who wants to listen) and has a summer job in the Prince Cafe coffee shop. He's earning his own coin, maybe he'll buy a bike, maybe he'll get his first tattoo on his birthday, he's not sure yet. The point is, he's working, and that's a good thing.

_ Today _ he's very stressed, because the human Vol'jin chose to mate with is apparently not the smartest.

They have no shampoo, this has been going on for at least three days. They have no shampoo but they do have three whole bottles of conditioner. Zekhan is tired of washing his hair with body soap, he feels gross. 

"Can we be gettin' shampoo soon?" He asks Tyrathan in the morning, before going to work. The human smiles as he takes his wallet and keys. "I be tired of washin' with normal soap. It be messin' my hair. This not be a good look with da ladies."

"There isn't much to look at, kid." Tyrathan laughs, he  _ laughs _ at Zekhan. The only thing this human brings to this house is the audacity. "But you're in luck today, I'm going shopping, I can drop you off at work on my way to the store."

"Nah, I be walkin to work, it be healthier."

"Right, then I'll see you when you come back." The human shrugs and leaves on his ugly blue car that Zekhan  _ knows _ Vol'jin secretly hates but doesn't have the heart to tell Tyrathan.

Zekhan walks to work, because it's not too far and because he has some time to kill. It's Touba's turn to open the shop today and the Pandaren always gets there late, yawning like he hasn't slept in his entire life. Anduin is already there, tapping at his phone and shivering because it's been cold recently and he's wearing the ugliest scarf ever, but he makes it work.

Speaking of work, the day is quite slow. Mister Saurfang arrives as he does religiously, orders his daily roast beef sandwich and his tea, the Windrunner sisters show up, gossip for exactly three hours and then leave their separate ways. Zekhan and Anduin wait tables all day while Garrosh keeps trying to make the perfect latte art because their boss told him he could try out for the barista test and become a professional, Zekhan is still relatively new to the job and Garrosh still scares him because he's heard rumors about him being a delinquent but that seems to not be true.

At exactly six, Zekhan clocks out and heads home, his feet are killing him but he thinks about the prospect of finally having shampoo at home.

When he gets home, there's a box with a few pearl colored bottles near the door. Vol'jin is not home yet, Tyrathan is cooking something Zekhan has never seen before.

"That you, Zekhan?" 

"Ya, it be me. What be this?" Zekhan kicks the box gently.

"The shampoo you wanted, they had a special so I bought the whole box."

"These be ten bottles!" Zekhan looked at the caps of the bottles, counting them.

"I know, right? And they were real cheap!" Tyrathan was back inside the kitchen.

Zekhan ignored the bottles for now and went to help in the kitchen. At seven thirty, Vol'jin arrived and the three had dinner. They asked if Zekhan had to work that weekend, and told him Tyrathan's daughters were coming to visit during the weekend. Zekhan liked Tyrathan's daughters, they were always very nice to him, he sometimes felt a little sad that the human's older son didn't want to see him at all.

After dinner, Zekhan grabbed one of the bottles, the label was in common but thanks to his half troll half human upbringing, he'd learned to not only speak but read common (he learned that a lot of people found it harder to read common than speak it) and when he read the label he felt the sudden urge to slap someone. Preferably Tyrathan.

"Uh… Uncle Tyrathan?" He called from the hall.

"Yes?" Tyrathan yelled back, from the living room.

"Ya be readin the label on these?"

"What?" 

Zekhan let out a long suffering sigh.

"Ya be reading the label on these?!" He asked, louder, he heard shuffling from the living room, and soon the human was nearby. 

"What about them?"

"They be conditioner." Zekhan deadpanned. Tyrathan looked at the bottle, then facepalmed. "They be conditioner for curly blond hair, uncle Tyrathan…"

"I can see that."

"Ya not be seeing that when ya be buying them?"

"They were right next to the shampoo bottles I-"

"Now we be having thirteen bottles of conditioner, what we be needin thirteen bottles of conditioner for?"

"I'll take it back tomorrow, we haven't opened them…"

"Conditioner for curly blond hair…

"Yes."

"Ya be mated to a troll… ya be the legal guardian of a troll…"

"I am aware of that."

"Have ya even seen me?" Zekhan raised his voice, it sounded a little shrill but Zekhan didn't care. This was ridiculous. "We be trolls!"

Vol'jin was there a few minutes later, summoned by the loud Zandali in the hallway. Zekhan explained the situation in hopes that Vol'jin would find it equally absurd and would be just as outraged.

Vol'jin laughed. He laughed and pressed a kiss to Tyrathan's temple. Zekhan wanted to throttle them both. He roared in frustration and went up to his room to take his phone and opened the work group chat.

_ Ya sit down mon it be story time. _ He typed, ready to tell his co-workers this stupid adventure. Anduin was entirely too excited to know about the whole thing.

Why were humans the way they were?


End file.
